I just got these in my e-mail and had to share them, they made me giggle a bit. These are things taken out of actual patient's charts. Gotta love the medical profession... * The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately. * Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. * Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce. * The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. * I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. * The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. * Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. * She is numb from her toes down. * While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. * The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. * Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. * Male patient insists that his HIV was inherited, and not from sexual activity. * The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.