Saturday, November 30
I'm not sure where today went. I woke up with a horrid headache, I moved about and took 4 Extra Strength Tylenol - expecting a little relief but didn't get any. I waited about 4 hrs and then took some real pain medication - which I really don't like to do, but sometimes I just have to take it. No sense suffering if I really don't need to. Anyhoo... I took the meds and then got snuggled in a blanket and laid in my recliner and soon my cat jumped up on my lap. Next thing I knew, it was 3 hours later and I woke up feeling so sore I didn't want to move. Fat lot of good that pain pill did! Headache is still in the background but isn't as bad. I'm a little worried about my Dad. He hasn't felt really well most of the day - that is just after he went for a walk with his buddy Ralph. I think they might have walked too fast and with the cold, it made Dad have chest pains. He's feeling a little nauseous (not good!) and his blood sugar level was 353 at dinner (he's diabetic) which is too damn high. He said that if things get worse and the Nitro stops working then we'll take him in to the emergency. I wish he'd let us take him in now, but he wants to hold off... he knows his body better than anyone and we've gone through this stuff before. He seems to be doing a little better now, but we're keeping close tabs on him.
Friday, November 29
What is it about men - or really this one in particular that drives me bonkers. Jeff. The shit that likes to jerk me around. We remained "online friends" and have chatted very briefly every few days the past month or so. I don't contact him - he contacts me. I'm tired of always having to be the one who makes all the effort. Last Sunday he asked me to turn on my web cam, which is fine, I don't mind that... but this is something he hadn't asked me to do since we stopped "our relationship" AND he didn't ask me to turn in on about a month before that. Or if he did, he'd look at my cam for about 10 seconds then turn it off again. Fine. Whatever. He even offered to mail me a CD he burned that he thought I'd like. WTF? Very nice of him to offer, but he didn't ever offer before. I don't know if he'll send it or not, but the offer was nice. He didn't make an effort to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving or to see what my plans were - and neither did I ask him or leave him a message like I used to do. This morning, out of the blue he comes on line, says "Hi, I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving." Then he sends me a picture of himself and said "I just got online for a minute to send you this picture of me that I took last night after I got home." OK... why all of the sudden is he sending me pictures of himself when before it was like pulling teeth to even get him to smile and take one?? The man is driving me nuts. What is he trying to do to me?! When I saw his picture, I sat here and cried. I can't believe I sat here and cried. I don't know why that had to happen when I thought I was doing so well at trying to get past it all. I wanted him more than I ever wanted anyone and I'm trying so hard to move on. Shit. I was going to ask him why he sent me his picture but he had his kids there with him and had to go. I don't get it - just don't get it at all. Is this all because I'm not bending over backwards to be there for him like I was before? Not making all the effort that he needs to feel wanted and maybe thinks that if he does a little something for me, that I'll tell him how much I want him?! Does he need to feel needed that badly that he's willing to twist the knife in my already bleeding heart to get it? Well, it ain't gonna happen. My friend Sandi has told me her gut feeling was that Jeff doesn't want to let me go, and she doesn't think its over. I don't know what to think any more. I really can't bring myself to think of the possibility that the "relationship" isn't over, it hurts too bad. I told myself from the beginning that if this was meant to be, it would work out. I gave it my all - gave him my all, at least what I could give 1500 miles away! LOL!! Shit. I need to quit thinking about "what could be happening" until I find out what is happening. He could have just wanted to send me a picture and I'm making too much out of this!! My Worry Worts are showing. LOL!! OK... change of subject! Today despite feeling like shit, I forced myself to get my cleaning done. Mom wanted to go shopping, but she wasn't done with her cleaning, so I pitched in to help her, finished, got cleaned up then to lunch to get fueled up for the big crowds. The crowds weren't as bad as I imagined, which was short of a nightmare. But from the looks of the stores, the nightmare had already come and gone. We covered a lot of stores and even braved the mall - which was sooo crowded. We were very fortunate to find a parking place!! I got the things I needed to start with - mostly things that need to be mailed. Everything else will have to wait for the next pay day.
Day for quizzies... found this one at Body.Mind.Soul
You're a hopeless romantic. You fall in love easily and quickly, and often have your heart broken. You like romantic movies, books, and you're always trying to think of some way to wow your honey. People call you sentimental or idealistic, and sometimes they even make some comment about they might vomit if they have to listen to go on and on any more. Phew. Some day, though, you will make someone very happy.
Thursday, November 28
Today was a pretty good day. I was up early to help Mom get some things done, and to finish making my salad to take over to my brother's house for dinner. I really felt rotten though today, I think every joint in my body was hurting today for some reason - it really frustrates me, but no sense getting upset about it, or that seems to make it worse. So, I just snuggled up in a blanket and watched Michael (the movie) and then M*A*SH* then got in the shower to go over to J Dee and Patti's. Their house is nice and big and fits a lot of people, I'm guessing there was about 30-35 people there. I like Patti's family, they're great people. I also go to hold and see my nephew Trent's daughter who is just about a month old. What a sweet baby! We ate dinner - and everything I had tasted sooo good. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but ate a little more than I should have but not to the point that I was sick - and didn't have any pie... yet. tee hee I may have a piece for my dinner tonight! LOL!! After all, this is Thanksgiving. I didn't stay too long at J Dee's though, I was just really tired and not feeling well, so I came home and have been snuggling with my cat while I watched "With Six you Get Eggroll" and old Doris Day movie. I'm going to just relax tonight and watch a couple more favorite movies while I crochet. I've now got 5 done and another one about half done! (I will take a picture of one, Maggie - I promise!) I'm trying to decide whether I want to go out shopping tomorrow or not, the crowds are always such a nightmare. I don't have anything specific in mind to get at this point, but I do need to shop for the people that I need to mail things to. I need to think of some ideas though. G'night everyone! Hope you had a great day!!
Wednesday, November 27
Linda and I just had to make a hard decision about the Creed concert on Dec 10. Nancy backed out on us, Linda's husband will be out of town, and we can't find anyone who can go - and is willing to pay $55 for a ticket. Its just too expensive - especially at this time of year. So, we've decided to cancel our tickets *sniffle* Although I am so disappointed in not going, chances are they'll cancel again and I can really use the $$ towards Xmas. I think this is the best thing to do - hopefully they'll come again and we'll go then.
I was due for a visit from Mike (yuck factor guy) yesterday. I could FEEL he was going to come visit and he did yesterday afternoon. BUT thank my lucky stars, my friend Renate had stopped in to see me and we were visiting when he stopped by. And of course, Wendie was there with him. I HOPE she saw how I acted around him and will give him some insight into me not being interested, but she's oblivious to anything I say (that I'm NOT interested) so that probably didn't happen. He was actually "looking for Linda" but thought he'd stop in to say Happy Thanksgiving and told me about his plans to go home. Which was nice, I hoped he had a good trip home. I didn't have a chance to tell him that its not gonna work out for us though. So, it will have to wait until next week I guess. Sigh. He is really a nice guy (other than being a bit of a prick about what happened with me and Jeff) and I hope he finds someone else to bug, or should I say to be happy with. tee hee
Tuesday, November 26
OHOHOHOH. Just got home from seeing "The Ring". Spooky, scary, freaky, maked me jump a few times... but I gotta say I was REALLY dissapointed in the ending. I mean how stupid of an ending could that have been? How can making a copy of a "killer tape" save your life?! Oh, and that SEXY man gets killed?! WTF! Now, did that really have to happen??? I think NOT! LOL!!! OK, done ranting. I didn't go further than the 3 little slivers of pie that I allowed myself but just those 3 little slivers made me sick! I felt awful, so I decided to go get some protein (MEAT! not the kind that I reeeaaally wanted) so I went across the street to the cafeteria/restaurant. I had my mouth just watering for popcorn and a pickle. The popcorn I got, but the pickle I didn't - they were out!!! I was so bummed!!! Hopefully next time I go to a movie they'll have them again. The popcorn was yummy though. Nothing like theatre popcorn. Mmmm! G'Night all!
Pie Day here at work is now under way. Its barely 8:00am and people are bringing their pies and crowding the table getting their slivers of pie. Today is going to be a total pig out day here - but we'll have one day to recover before the real Thanksgiving freasts begin. I'm proud to say that the pie I brought is already half gone. I keep hearing (over the cubical walls) "Oh, Karen!" moan, moan "this is soooo good!" Hmmm... ya know, its really nice to hear such praise, but I really wish I could hear it in different circumstances. *snicker*
Monday, November 25
I was figuring out how many hours I had to work this week, since I get paid for both Thurs and Friday- and it turns out I only have to work 24 hrs between Mon - Wed. YAY! I have a 1pm meeting I have to be to on Wed afternoon, but can leave straight after. Still, if I worked a full day today, that would give me too many hours since I plan on working 11 tomorrow... sooooo... I left at Noon today! I drove home, enjoyed the lovely sunshine, then made my pie for tomorrow's Pie Day celebration at work. I must say... my pie turned out quite delicous. I made the Double Layer Pumpkin pie, recipe here. Its going to be quite rich though, but what I licked from the bowls (just a taste!) was yuuuumy. Then after the pie was done, I sat down in MY recliner and tortured my hands and wrists some more. I finished another doily. I'm just cranking these babies out. I found a really pretty pattern that works up so fast. I WILL rest tonight though, I won't start another one. Linda and I have decided to see a movie tomorrow night after work. The Ring. It looks kinda scary but good. I may just have to get a pickle this time, and make other adults either horny or nervous by how I like to lick (the juice of course!) and devour my pickle. I guess it all depends on where their minds are, I just enjoy a good big pickle. My Uncle Shorty sent this picture to me today and I had to share it - the wonderful Colin made it possible by putting it up on the server.
I slept like a baby last night, which is really unusual for a Sunday night, my mind usually won't shut up! My left hand and wrist are killing me this morning - post stress I suppose from crocheting so much over the weekend. Oh well, I got a lot done. I really should have been working on these gifts in the summer - a little at a time... but I was a slacker and didn't. I'm here at work, and so far its a quiet day - but then again, I'm about the only one here too! I'm sure it will hit as soon as my boss gets here. I have some projects to work on already, so hopefully he won't give me more to do today. I'll leave ya with a laugh for the day... well, the women will get a chuckle out of it anyway! Its clickable for larger image.
Sunday, November 24
Its been a nice, quiet Sunday! I got up did laundry - chatted with Colin and Tiara while it was going, then worked out, showered, ate lunch and finished another doily. I've finished 3 so far in the past 2 weekends. I'm making smaller ones, to save wear and tear on my hands. I've watched movies while working away on them. I need to start another, and will but thought I'd give my hands a rest, so what am I doing? I'm typing! LOL! The family's Thankgsiving plans have finally been made. We're going over to J Dee and Patti's (bro and sis-in-law) YAY! I was worrying about all the work that would have to be done if we had it here. Its really hard on Mom too, and with all the extra work she has around upstairs since Kathy, the baby and yes, the Asshole Ellis are living here its just too much of a drain. I think Mom was kind of looking forward to having everyone over here, but its best this way. Its really quite interesting that Ellis is living here - he talked so big about having a place to stay after they got evicted from their apartment, but turns out he doesn't have a pot to piss in as they say. So, he's staying here... and has yet to ask Mom and Dad. I guess he just assumes he's welcome. I wish Dad would tell him to get lost, hopefully he's just biding his time. Mom and I had a talk about Ellis the other night. He has threatened to take the baby and run back to Ohio, pretty much just to scare Kathy I think, into putting up with his shit. The oddest feeling came over me then. I told Mom she needed to change the code on the garage door opener. She got a weird look on her face and said that her and Dad had already discussed it. She said that sometimes my "feelings" as well as my Dad's are down right spooky. I think Ellis is up to something and I'm not about to let him take advantage of my family any more than he already has - if I can stop him. Ew... how did I get started on him anyway?! I'm gonna go get started on another doily, then just veg the rest of the night. Hope everyone had a good weekend!
Saturday, November 23
I just ate Santa Claus. Twice. And probably will do it again later. Is this sacrilegious? *snicker* I'm still on my cinnamon bear kick - can't get enough of the damn things. Mom went to the store and brought me a treat - Cinnamon Santa Clauses. Santa was nice and soft, which in this case is most definitely what I want.
This is exactly what my cat does. MY recliner seems to be HER recliner. I don't mind sharing, I really don't but there are times when she does. A lot of times she'll prop herself up on top of the recliner while I'm sitting in the chair. She'll whip me in the face with her tail (or worse yet - she'll fart!) once in a while to show me who's boss. She's so funny. I just pet her and stay put.
Friday, November 22
This afternoon, I joined the masses to see Harry Potter. I think the theatre could have done with showing it on all 9 screens instead of just 2. It was jammed packed and we went to the 2:30 show! We had to split up - Linda was behind me but Brian and I sat together. I wish Linda could have sat by us. She gave me custody of the licorice which wasn't a good thing. I kept nibbling on the damn stuff and came out of there with such a sugar rush and headache. The movie was really good, I loved it in fact. BUT I_did_not_like the spider scene. OMG. I'm gonna have creepy crawly nightmares. Ewww. Icky spiders. So, if you haven't gone to see it yet, you need to - fun for all ages. I went ahead of Brian and Linda to buy the tickets so they wouldn't have to leave work so early. I stood in line for about 15 minutes while this large man with a dicky-do (when your stomach sticks out further than your dicky do) that kept breathing down my neck. He had beer breath and it was awful. I kept turning my neck and giving him a dirty look and he just seemed to come closer. As if the breath wasn't bad enough, he starts burping (the beer I guess) then I KNOW he farted a couple of times, the smell was so awful it brought tears to my eyes to keep from gagging. His gut grazed my ass a couple of times, I guess he was getting his jollies, I don't know. I was about to turn and say something when it was my turn at the window. Then, he went to the window next to me and asked how many people had been sold tickets to the 2:30 show. The girl replied "64" and he said, "No thank you, I'll pass for now." Then he left. He stood there all that time to not even buy a ticket and while standing there making my existence miserable. Thanks, dude. EEUURRGHH.
I'm trying to be ambitious this morning, I really am. I've got to get my cleaning down so I can work out, shower then head to work. I've got my sheets changed and bed made and dusted now all that's left is my bathroom and vacuuming. Emma is away at her Father's Aunt's funeral and Colin is home doing *fun things* with the lovely D, so I can't chat with them while I clean. Sigh. OK, I'm off to finish.
Thursday, November 21
Just got home from my class. It went pretty well, although I had wished it covered more about Excel formulas, etc., most of the day was spent on charts - they're not the buggers they used to be, but I now have a better understanding of them, which will help in my PowerPoint skills. The last of the day was spent on Data sorting, filtering, etc., I knew how to sort, but didn't know some of the cool tricks he taught us. One trick alone will save me oodles of time in the future. As I was driving home, I saw so many troubled youths with orange vests, orange bags and sticks along the side of the freeway doing clean up. Kinda did my heart good to see them out working and learning from their crimes... but then another part of me thinks its awful that there were so many out there. Kids or people really, don't seem to have much respect for anyone else's property or lives. How sad is that?! I'm really ready for the weekend and am getting kinda sad that I have to work nearly 3 hours tomorrow... Yeah, I know, your hearts are breaking for me. Having to work on a Friday - OMG, what a tragedy! *snicker* I'll live and it will be over before I know it. Then its off to a movie with Linda and maybe Brian (my buddy from Linda's office). We're going to see Harry Potter! I've heard its really good and better than the first one so I'm excited to see it.
Wednesday, November 20
OK, so I'm really sad. Qboard is no longer gonna support us, so I've lost my Toadbot Now what am I gonna do for entertainment? I decided to use Zonkboard, so we'll see how I like it. Its just so BLAH after having the supreme cool Toadbot... I feel like I've lost a friend... who never remembered my name... Had a pretty good day, despite being poked (no, damnit not that kind of poked), prodded, tested, and having bodily fluids taken from me. I had to go for the first appt for that clinical trial for RA that I'm going to participate in. At least I hope I can still participate in it. They have to wait for the blood and peepee tests to come back before I get started. I'm sure everything will be fine, I haven't had TB, Hepatitis, Aids, an am not preggers. At least that's what they "needed" to test. I know they're doing tests on my liver function, etc., to make sure all is cool before I start taking the injections. The lady said about 2 weeks she'd call me. I was gone 3 hours. When one of the nurses was checking my joints, she told me to tell her what hurt and didn't. Well, I'm proud to say that I had one joint. One joint that didn't hurt. My right elbow. How sad is that?! She felt inflamation in all of them and said "no wonder they hurt!" Yup! I get to sleep in a bit in the morning! YAY! I'm going to another class, Excel 2000 Level 2. I'm going to end up working about 3 hrs on Friday to make up for today's doctors trip. But that's not too bad. I'm going down that way to meet Linda for a movie anyway. And I can submit my mileage expense report for $80 for my two trips to Salt Lake in the past two weeks. Not bad, aye?
I had a blast from the past phone call last night. It was my ex Robert (a.k.a. and lovingly referred to the Shithead). Calls from him usually stress me out, and I saw it was him on the caller ID but decided, to answer it. What the hell - was feeling up for a fight. tee hee We actually had a really nice conversation. I hadn't talked to him since April or so - before I went to England. He's still seeing the same lady and seems happy and I'm happy for him. Maybe that's what made it a nice conversation - he wasn't hounding me to come back to him. As we were saying good-bye he asked if perhaps we could go out for dinner, as friends, to catch up on things. I said that might be nice, but we didn't set a date. He said he'd call me... so I don't really expect it will happen, but that's just him. Went to lunch yesterday with Linda, Nancy and Kelly. During lunch, we started talking about shaving vs. waxing and the Brazillian waxing technique. Linda said that she might want to try that... ummm... to wax the "insides" of certain "body parts" Ummm... NO WAY IN HELL would I try that. We all giggled... and I'm sure the gentleman at the next table were listening with great interest, it got quiet over there the first time we brought up shaving pussies. *snicker* Then Colin put this pic up on our server today - couldn't resist...
Tuesday, November 19
Ladies and Gentlemen... I have reached the Yuck Factor with that Mike guy. I can't really put my finger on it, but he's starting to yuck me out. I sound like a teenager, I know... but its just not gonna work. He's so nice really he is, "its" just not there and he is starting to make me uncomfy just by coming by to "chat". He was really a shit last week when he saw me and I was having a really bad day. He asked if I was OK, and I said "No, not really... have a broken heart." He replied, "Oh, is that from the internet guy?" in a really snotty tone. I said, "Uh yeah, I guess it is from the internet guy." I thought "fuck you!" but I didn't say it... maybe I should have. tee hee Anyway, he stopped in this afternoon and asked if I was out of my "dumpy mood". I thought "excuse me?!" But I tried to make light of it and told him I'm having a much better day today and thanks for asking. I wasn't going to go into details about how I'm feeling (which is so much stronger and better - each day) with that attitude. Then after he left, I realized its the Yuck Factor. No doubt about it. He is so not my type. I went over to talk to Linda about it, and she mentioned he stopped in to see her yesterday. He asked her if I'd happened to mention him or anything about him to her. She told him no... and asked why. He told her that he still was interested in taking me out - or at least going out with me. Oh shit. So, I think the best way to deal with this is the upfront, honest way. I don't like playing games. Sigh. I'm not good at this. Any advice???
I had a big package when I got home... well, OK, not that kind of package... but a parcel! It was just like Christmas - a package full of CDs from Colin! YAY! I'm listening to a compilation right now called "Sometimes Love Sucks." Had a crazy day yesterday here at work, but got a lot done. Got one major project out of my hair. Then I ran home, changed clothes, then went to get my hair done. Oiy. Then I came home and crashed, was one tired woman. I'm feeling pretty good this morning though, almost feel like getting into some sort of trouble... I'll see what I can come up with... Now, on a totally different subject... I thought this is an excellent way to start the day... ooohhh yeah baby!
Monday, November 18
Going through my 30-something e-mails this morning, I came across one from the cube mate dork from hell. "I realized that I didn't submit my time correctly and so my activities have changed." Now, this wouldn't have been a big deal a week ago, but now I've got to "re-do" his portions of my monthly status report. GRRRR! What a dork. Thanks Greg. Appreciate ya. But then I get this e-mail: Hello, Karen... Words will not express my gratitude for the back issues of XXXXX which arrived at my front door today. I have not stopped grinning since I opened the package. Suffice to say that you, Karen, are most certainly the Sunshine in my day today! XXXX Stuff like that is what makes it worth coming to work! Although sending our magazines out is only one small part of my job, its nice to know that it makes such a difference to someone.
UGH. Mondays, don't ya just love them? Well, I made it out of bed and to work so that's a good thing. I've got lots to keep me busy today here, but I'm wishing I didn't really have to be here. Here's a funny pic that I thought I'd post - doesn't have anything to do with anything in particular, just for a laugh. Have a good day, all!
Sunday, November 17
I watched a good movie last night. Life or Something Like it with Angelina Jolie and Edward Burns. It was a bit slow going at first, but ended up to be good. Its one of those movies that really makes you think and take stock of your life. Edward Burns was quite sexy too... Mmmmm! Licking me lips. I loved the ending. Made me say "I want that!" Even had to rewind and watch the ending again. I'm such a hopeless (or is it hopeful!!) romantic! I did manage to get a little ambitious and started crocheting a doily. I'll try and finish it today and perhaps start another one. I'm making a smaller one than I usually do so I can get more done AND people need/like smaller doilies too. I know this sounds like a Granny talent and maybe it is, but I don't care. I like to crochet. Not much planned today, other than my laundry, working out, and finishing that doily. I'm just gonna be a bum again. This pic below really reminds me of my cat! She's so chubby! Pic is clickable.
Friday, November 15
Ya know what? I'm tired of feeling like shit. I'm tired of feeling like my world has caved in - some of it has granted, but I haven't. I'm strong and still here. I'm going to concentrate on making me happy and fuck what some people think I should be doing and how they view me. This is my life. I have a better view of my life than anyone. I know me better than anyone, and I know what's going to make me happy and have to figure out how I can go about it. I'm taking some ME time, damnit. The Jeff situation as well as what happened with a friend yesterday and the past week, aren't the only things that have been making me feel like shit. My health isn't the greatest and have been struggling the past couple of months, but hopefully that will change soon. I have an appt on Wednesday for preliminary tests and instructions (on how to give myself shots!) for the clincal trial I'm going to participate in. My home life isn't what I want, but I'm stuck here financially so I've just got to suck it up and deal with it the best I can. Maybe if my health improves I can get me a second job if I can find a good one to help with things. I'm worried about how I'm gonna do Christmas financially as well. The usual stresses... I don't know how families do it, I don't even have kids and I'm stressing out. Work has been nuts and feel overwhelmed some days, but its not a killer. I've got a great boss and he is patient and knows I can only do so much. I'm soooooo tired of feeling like shit... have I mentioned that?! I think I've hit a break through here. I can't say enough how much I appreciate the support of those who have been rocks for me the past week or so. All the great comments that people have left - really means a lot. I know sometimes its hard to find words of support, (as I have sometimes) but I know and feel the thought is behind it and its worth so much. Happy Friday everyone - and have a fantastic weekend!!!
Thursday, November 14
Ever have a "talk" with a dear friend that leaves you really hurt and wondering who the hell that person was that you just spoke with? I'm tired of being down and upset, so that's all I'm gonna say about that! Well, wait... one more thing... I just find this kinda fitting right now, its not meant in a mean way, I promise. Just something to lighten my mood a bit.
My friend Robin sent me that today along with another 15 or so fun cat pics to make me smile. She's a sweetie... and then I sent them to Colin (another sweetheart!) to host on his server for me. Today was sooooo crazy. I worked all day long on my financials and report. They're now in my boss' hands for his review. Whew. I'm totally wiped though. G'Night all!
My friend Robin sent me that today along with another 15 or so fun cat pics to make me smile. She's a sweetie... and then I sent them to Colin (another sweetheart!) to host on his server for me. Today was sooooo crazy. I worked all day long on my financials and report. They're now in my boss' hands for his review. Whew. I'm totally wiped though. G'Night all!
Wednesday, November 13
My ass is whooped. Class went well, and got out 30 mins early which was nice to beat the rush hour traffic... me thinks was just ahead of it all. Is this week over yet?! Well, not to rub it in or anything but I've only got ONE more day left for the week. It will be a loooong and veeeery busy one, but one more for the week. For those of you who expressed concern, YES I do get up at about 3:30-3:45am, head out the door about 4:30 to get to work by 5pm. I usually leave work about 4:00 and if I don't take lunch(es) during the week, then I get to leave earlier on Thursdays... this also leaves room for doc appts, goof-off time, etc. 4-day work week of longer hours sure beats 5-day work weeks. My boss is cool enough to let me do this... and think of all the fuel and polution I'm saving by not driving an extra 52 days a year. Adds up. See, I'm a friend of the environment! Well, night all! I'm gonna go crash...
Tuesday, November 12
I really had a shitty day today. I was emotionally fragile anyway, but having yet another high priority pain in the assignment thrown at me was just about more than I can handle. I also had a really upsetting dream last night about Jeff, which didn't help my fragile state. Part of the process of healing... I am feeling better now that I'm home. I'm exhausted though, and am going to go to bed early... despite getting to sleep in a couple of hours in the morning - YAY - because I'm going to another class in Salt Lake. Don't have to leave here until 7:30am - when I usually leave for work at 4:30am, but the bad part is that I'll get home about 2 hrs later than normal. I'm hoping I'll be able to fall asleep early and get some much needed catch-up sleep, if not I'll be entertained by a favorite movie until I do fall asleep... not sure which one yet. My cat is already in bed all snuggled up and when I went in my bedroom a minute ago to change out of my dress, she gave me the look of "Excuse me... get your ass in bed, I'm being ignored. Colin sent this cartoon to me earlier and I thought it was funny. Good night all, and hope you have a good day tomorrow!
Song of the day... Mourning by Tantric Is there something that You are trying to say Don't hold back now It's been a long time Since I felt this way So don't hold back now I purposely forgot about Loving anyone 'Cause I'm the Only one who has Who has been stepped upon Is there something that You are trying to say 'Cause I can take it 'Cause I grew up A man this way And if I'm hurt I'll shake it I'll crawl back into my cave That's how I'll make it 'Cause out of All this hurt we have Beauty thus become Beauty thus become CHORUS: In the mourning I can see the sights No wonder I could Never keep you satisfied In the mourning I can see inside Myself and all the things That you were trying to hide Wishing all the best for you And now I will say goodbye 'Cause all the sh*t that We've been through Put wisdom in my eyes So walk away Don't turn around 'Cause I won't Be standing here 'Cause all the lies that I've been living through Are becoming very clear And beauty thus become Then you conned me Into thinking That all I had was you The small insinuations Were cutting me through Cutting me through And now I stand alone here Stronger than before And I'll never go back Never go back Never go
Monday, November 11
OH! forgot about the best part of heading out for lunch. I found me a good screw. It happened to be on the ground, and the small metal kind, but hell, I'll take what I can get right now. *snicker* We all had a good laugh about it... how sad... here I am, been so long since I've had a good screw I'm willing to settle for that! Just kidding, really... I did pick up the screw and put it in my pocket to keep me giggling about it.
is how I feel right now. Whoa, what a day. I got so much done, but still only half way done with this new project I've been assigned. I'd hoped to have it done by tomorrow afternoon - at least the info gathering part, but it doesn't look like its gonna happen. I'll hand in what I've got so far for the Wednesday meeting (that I'm gonna miss anyway cuz of training!). I took a break and worked on the monthly report that I am also supposed to work on this week. I know one thing, its not going to get finished until next week, but it won't be late. I'm so braindead right now, even a simple task of reformatting a trip report is just too much for me! Nicole, Janna, Debi, Chelene and I decided to go out to lunch today, which was such a great break. I know I needed the break, and it seemed to make us all feel better since we HAD to work this holiday. We went to my fav restaurant (and Debi's too!) Fiesta Guadalajara for... guess what? Yup, cheese enchiladas! Mmmm! My tummy was very very happy but oh, so extended. Haven't done that in a while and after the week I've had, I deserve a treat. Well, I guess I'm going to do about another 30 mins of EASY work, then hit the trail on home.
There's a sweet lady here at work, her name is Nicole. She's so bubbly and so much fun to be around. She's a practical joker, and we share the same birthday! We have a lot in common, but the last few months things have been happening to both of us with our relationships. This is getting really scary - although what's happening with her and her husband is so much more huge than what's happened with Jeff and I, the similarities are startling. There's got to be something to astronomy... or same birthdays or something. Really bizarre. Anyway, this morning, we spent an hour crying on each others shoulders, and I feel so much better, both for crying and for being able to be there for her. OK - on to happier things... I'll get back to work now. Oh, did I say happier?! Hope everyone has a good Monday - and for those of you who are lucky enough to have Veteren's Day off, have a great holiday! Just remember there will be a bigger pile of work waiting for you tomorrow... *snicker*
Sunday, November 10
I think I've cleaned about every inch of space I have, and cleared out all the clutter that I can do without this weekend. Its a good feeling having it all done, and it did help me clear my head a lot, cried, smiled at some good things. Feelings are still tender, but I think I'm on the way to getting over Jeff. Speaking of Jeff... he came online and asked "Not talking to me anymore I suppose?" Hmmmm... I dunno... I told him I'm hurt, angry, disappointed, etc., and was thinking about weather I still wanted to talk to him. I suppose we could be "just friends" if it doesn't hurt too much. We chatted for a few minutes, me getting some things off my chest which felt good. He feels really bad for hurting me, so I guess we'll just take one day at a time until we decide if we're going to remain friends or not. I do want him to be happy - just as he wants me to be happy. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow, but I will. Its going to be a ghost-town since its a gov't holiday and there will be only a hand full of contractors who are working - me and my boss included. My cube mate will be traveling for the week - yahooo!!! I have a lot of catching up to do at work, so having it nice and quiet should help me get the stuff done. By later afternoon I'm sure I'll be going nuts though because its "too quiet". Oh geez... here come the water works again... I'm just watching the end of Con Air. *sniffle* I'm such a boob for happy endings... I hope everyone had a nice weekend!
Saturday, November 9
I think I'm starting to go through the anger phase... Rachael left me a comment "hoping a sexy, exotic, passionate spanish bull fighter walks into your life tomorrow" and all I could think of was how nice that bull fighter would be to have around so his bull could chase down Jeff and puncture him in the ass!
I'm alive... Thank you once again to all the kind thoughts and comments everyone has left me. Really touching! I'm gonna be OK, I'm a tough cookie and will try and stay positive. I've been keeping myself pretty busy actually. I've been doing the theraputic cleaning. I'm not quite finished, but have accomplished quite a bit. I was so tired yesterday afternoon, I laid down for a few minutes and next thing I knew, it was 3 hours later! Whoa! This is a picture of two of my nephews and I from Thursday night. L-R Adam, me, Travis. It was Travis' 22nd birthday and we got together for cake/ice cream as we do for birthdays in the family. I'm posting more pics at my pic site. I'm slowly getting pics of everyone in the family up... and thanks to Colin who is kind to put them up on his server. Yeah Colin, I'm thanking you once again. *snicker* (how many demerits am I racking up?)
Friday, November 8
Thursday, November 7
Wasn't gonna write about this... but I think I need to. Something has happened that has really hurt and disappointed me. I've been talking to a guy (Jeff, aka the J man) online (long distance) for almost 2 years now (seriously for about 1.5 years). We had a great relationship, hit it off really well, but this past few months has been on again, off again. He was so close to wanting to meet me, we started making plans even, then he backed out. Said he wasn't ready yet... didn't know what he wanted, yadda yadda yadda. Since then, he's really acted funny. I've asked several times what is wrong, came right out and asked if he was seeing anyone. He replied "what brought that about?" Didn't ever really answer my question. Well, last night he finally came clean. He told me that he and his ex-girlfriend might be getting back together. Shot my hopes and dreams to hell in one statement. He actally got back with her briefly at the first of the summer, but it didn't work out, now they're giving it another go. When he refers to her (prior to last night) it was "his psycho ex girl friend" Hmmm... yes, sounds like true love to me. Anyway... I guess our relationship just wasn't meant to progress any further than it did. I knew in my head that it was silly for an online, long distance relationship, but my gut instincts/6th sense kept telling me to hang on, give him the benefit of the doubt, be patient, things will work out. Well, I know there's a reason for everything, so perhaps the reason I sensed to hang in there was to learn some things... which I most certainly have. I've learned I can love/care about a man, want a man in my life, to be patient and more understanding. There's many more personal lessons, but I won't go into them. So, even though my heart is really hurting, I don't regret my relationship or experiences. He made me feel things that no man ever has before. I can't explain it... I really can't. I sure as hell know it doesn't make sense since we never met face to face. It was almost like we knew each other from another life or something... I may be fairly quiet these next few days, while I'm licking my wounds and trying to sort out where I really need to go from here. I know I have to move on, and I will... I'm so thankful to all my wonderful friends who've supported me today and last night. Especially Linda, Sandi, Colin, Robin and Connie. They're so great... they listen to me, support me, then make me laugh. I need to laugh - its is the best medicine... even though I may have a few tears with the laughter, that's OK. Laughter has gotten me through some shitty times. I think I'm going to do some major theraputic cleaning this weekend, doesn't that sound like fun?? I don't know what it is about cleaning things out, but it always helps me sort things in my head. I'm not making any promises though, I may just go rent some movies and be a slug! Well, I'm off to my nephew Travis' birthday party... time to put on a happy face. UGH.
Wednesday, November 6
Hmmm... been pretty quiet today haven't I?! Not sure why really... work was a bit busy, one of those days where I didn't get done nearly the stuff I'd anticipated. Got my 2nd PC back. Wasn't the motherboard after all, but the video card died. Got a new one and got the new CD burner loaded and burnin'. Will make an upcoming project MUCH easier and faster using the burner on that CD instead of my main one. I helped Linda get some things ready for a guy's 40th b-day tomorrow that is in her office. A really great guy, Geoff. I found some great graphics, and then came home and made a banner for him. Linda sent me a pic of Geoff and I made up some "have you seen this 40 year old man" type posters with his pic on them. They're pretty funny if I do say so myself. We'll put those throughout the building. We've got streamers and black balloons for other decorations. Adrian's birthday is also coming up, but he's leaving for Spain on Friday and will miss it, so we're decorating for his birthday too. I made him his own little poster with a really funny pic of him on it. I know, pay backs are a bitch... but hopefully being the typical men, they won't remember either Linda or my birthday.
Tuesday, November 5
I started the day off excited that I was getting a CD burner in my 2nd PC here at work. That way I can burn CDs while still working on my main PC. I got the burner in, made the right master and slave drives (with my boss' help!) Went to boot up, and nothing but beep, beep, beep. Rechecked every thing, still beep, beep, beep. Brought a guy from the computer resource office over. He checked everything, looked OK. So he took it back to his office to do further diagnostics. After fiddling with it all day, turns out its probably the motherboard. Damnit. I need it to do an important part of my database work. Now by the time I get a new motherboard, I'm gonna be far behind. GRRR. I did get some good news this afternoon... an e-mail from corporate accounts payable saying that my $41.98 reimbursement check for my mileage to Salt Lake for the training course. will be deposited on Thursday. YAY! I'm poor!
OMG. Just got back from "the lunch". Excuse me, but if you ask about something, then have the courtesy to let me finish telling about it before you interrupt me with either 1) one of your stories 2) a question about something else or 3) some weird comment. I felt like I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Then when I was quiet and listened to him babble on about something, he'd say "how come you're quiet?" Ummm... duh. He asked me to drive since I park in a parking lot next to the building and he has to park way out in another lot. I didn't really mind, at least I knew I could dump him out the door and drive off if I wanted/needed to. tee hee He just totally yacked my ear off. As we parted company after lunch: Him: "Well, I enjoyed this, thanks... maybe we can do lunch again." Me: "Yeah, maybe..." I started to walk away... Him: "I'll come over again..." Me: "OK, to BS would be all right..." me still walking away... Him: "Or go out to dinner..." Me: (almost running!) "Thanks again! Gotta get back. See you later..." Earlier a funny thing happened. I was ripping off a new garbage liner for my shredder and it made a PHFFT sound - and really sounded like a fart. My boss was just walking by and said, Boss: "My goodness, Karen! Was that you?" Me: giggling "No, it was the garbage liner..." Boss: "Uh huh..." Me: "Really, it was... want me to rip another one?" Ummm at this point I just had to stop talking! I need to wear this sign. He laughed and walked a way.
Thanks for all the comments on the previous post *snicker*. As Kat said, there's nothing like a good blow job! I'd rather it would have been nice, warm, gentle, localized blow though. Well, today is the day I'm supposed to have lunch with the Mike dud I mean dude. I'm terrible... I just really not looking forward to it. He keeps coming over here and chatting, and before I know it, I've gotten myself in trouble. He asks what music, movies, etc. Its like he's making little mental notes about things we have in common. He's even said "Oh, we're going to get on fine you have good taste." Hmmmm... do I? Or maybe he's not talking about how I taste, which is something he's not gonna find out. *snicker* It will OK if he just wants to be FRIENDS but he's acting like he wants more. I could be making too much out of this, and hopefully I am. Anyway, we'll see how it goes. Getting back to work now... have quite a bit to do today. Have a great day!! I'll post about the "lunch" later on. 5 hours to go... ugh.