Sunday, December 31

Thursday, September 11

I've moved!!!!!!!!!! Here's my new URL: Please update your Blogrolls and bookmarks! A HUGE thanks to Christine for all her hard work in moving my site and hosting me!!!

Wednesday, September 10

Things went well at my doc appt. Details on my Health Log. I'm off to study for my Org Beh mid term test! Hope everyone has a great night!
I finished formatting, printing, and putting the workshop materials together by 9:15! YAY! I just handed them off to Debi so she can take them to Kinko's. We both are sighing with relief that its done and before 11:00. I'm taking a short break before starting the couple of other things I need to do before I go today. I busted my ass all morning, so I deserve it, right?! I've had one hell of a time with my hip today, its been bad. I'm OK as long as I either sit still or stand still. It hurts like hell to stand up after I've been sitting a while. After I start walking, the pain lessens. The doc will be able to see my flares today, so he can determine how to deal with me. tee hee Isn't he lucky - to have to deal with me?! I best get back to work... hope everyone has a great HUMPDAY!!

Tuesday, September 9

Work was nuts today. I was given some workshop materials (mostly slides) to reformat for a workshop next week. We have to take them to Kinko's by tomorrow noon in order for them to be done. These slides have got to be some of the worst I've seen as far as formatting goes, they're a complete mess. There are 13 files, most with 60-80 slides so its taking me forever! I am on the 9th file and then I have to print all the exercises, appendices, etc., before I leave at 11:00am. So, I'm going in at 4am to make sure they are done in time. I'm actually hoping I'll have them all done by 9 or 10am because I have some other stuff that Timster will need to have done before I go too. I have my accounting class at 11:30 as usual, then I have my Remacade treatment (for my RA) at 1pm. So... if you don't see a post tomorrow morning, you'll know why! I most likely won't have time - maybe not even time to pee! *snicker* I'll be busting my ass on those slides. I really am hurting this evening - my shoulder and wrist were this morning, but as the day went on, my hip and both hands decided to join in the fun. So, I just took a pain pill and I'm headed to bed with some ice packs. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up and feel better (if I can get comfy and sleep tonight!). I don't have time for this! UGH!! I WILL be OK and it WILL get BETTER. Think positive, right?! OH! I just heard from Jeff! Shocker... we just chatted for a minute though cuz I told him I was beat and needed to go to bed. As we were saying good night, I told him to have a good night, and he said "you too babe." OMG, he called me "babe"... tug at my heart strings!!! *sniffle* I always loved it when he called me that! Damnit!
Warning!!! Christine will be hosting my blog . She's in the process of moving the entries, archives, etc., so this site may look a bit wonky... so don't be alarmed. I'll post the new site URL as soon as its finished!! YAY!! I will have comments again too - through MT so I won't have to deal with the flakiness of YACCS and better yet, blogger!!! Thanks again Christine! You're the best!
can I go home?? LOL! I'm gonna whine... I really don't feel like being here, but I am. Damn Rheumatoid Arthritis just won't leave me alone. I'll be fine, just waiting for my morning meds to settle before I take a pain pill. I can't go home, I can't miss my classes today. We're doing an exercise in Accounting (and if I don't see how we do it, then I will be lost with the homework assignment) and then in my Org Beh class we'll cover 2 chapters and then have a review on the first 10 chapters for the mid term on Thursday. So, I've got to suck it up. The night was so cool, it felt wonderful! 55 degrees when I came in this morning. Fall is on the way! The high was 80 yesterday too, which felt so great not to be so hot! We're supposed to have isolated thunderstorms today (and only a high of 64?! woohoo) and rain tomorrow. We need it! Well... enough talk about the weather and my pain. LOL! Here's something that cheered me up - thanks Colin!!
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Monday, September 8

Here are some pics I took yesterday of my niece Elyssa's 2nd birthday.

What a day for shitty drivers! On the way to my accounting class, some jerk ran a stop sign and pulled right out in front of me, I had to slam on my breaks to avoid hitting him, then he goes 10 miles an hour BELOW the speed limit. Shithead. Then 2 blocks later, a "safety truck" pulls right out in front of me. Then on my way home, on a road going 50, some shithead pulls out in front of me (no car behind me for at least 20 car lengths), I slam on my breaks again and had to swurve to miss her, I honk my horn and she flips ME off! I took down her license plate number... its against the law in Utah to flip anyone off, shake your fist or anything else that is considered a threat. I'm turning her in. Bitch. I don't know if anything will ever come of it, but she pissed me off!
Well... damnit... Monday is here again. Why does it keep coming? It reminds me of sand in my underwear. Just when you think its gone, it comes back. So, being that it is Monday morning... we all need some cheering up. Something to get us through the day... For you men, you might want to go check out Colin's blog, I'm sure he has something at his to cheer you up. He's always got some great pics and funnies there.
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Sunday, September 7

I'm terrible... that no-good-for-nothing BIL of mine is here. He was in the living room upstairs putting together a toy for his daughter (its her 2nd birthday today) and I was coming downstairs, and I said "asshole" just loud enough for him to hear but soft enough for him to wonder if he were hearing things or not. *snicker* I just couldn't help myself. OHHHHHHHH I just can't stand the man (cough, cough, cough) Or should I just say MALE because he certainly ain't a man. But do I really want to lump him together with all the males? No... that's not fair to the males. Hmmm... what would be a good category for him... something that is lowest of the low... kinda like a cancer or nasty growth on your ass. I'm surprised he's here at all... he must have run out of money and it happened to be on Elyssa's birthday. He was here Friday when I got home, he was in the garage when I was backing my car in, and I almost didn't see him. I wish I hadn't seen him - not necessarily to run him over (I wouldn't want the lawsuit) but just because I hate seeing him period. OK, done bitching. I feel better. I had an uneventful day... just studied. I'm caught up now though and feeling a little less stressed. I talked to that Robert guy from Idaho a little bit Thursday night and Friday morning. Poor guy - he's really having a rough time. He really misses his ex wife and is very lonely. He's said a few times that he wished we lived closer, because he thought we'd hit it off since we're quite a bit alike. Hmmm... is 2 hrs really that far? I didn't think so... but if he does, then I'm not going to tell him its not. Its obvious he doesn't want to put the effort in as far as meeting so I'm not. He keeps saying how damn busy he is, everyone is busy. Its a matter of prioritizing things. I'm not a priority and that's really OK with me, I'm not *that* attracted to him. Finally heard from Jeff - for a minute. He popped online and said "hi" and "I'm going to go put my jeep top back on, I'll be back in a few minutes." I replied that I "wasn't going to be online long so if he wanted to talk to me then he should hurry." Then he replied "I'll hurry, and I hope I catch you tonight, if not maybe tomorrow." whatever... that was 20 mins ago and he's not back yet... I'm going to finish this post and visit a couple of blogs then I'm outta here. MEN.
I'm so tired!! I think I could have stayed in bed all day... wish I could have but I've got a lot of studying left to do so I dragged my ass out of bed, got in the shower and got dressed. Now I can't go back to bed. Well, I could... but I won't. I actually am not in much pain today! Shocker! Not sure how that happened... but am going to enjoy it. Days like this are few and far between and I do sooooo appreciate the break! Our power went out about midnight last night and didn't come back on until 5am this morning. I was woken up around 2:30 by loud clashes of thunder, and rain. A nice cool breeze came through my window. It felt so great, I snuggled down in the covers, one of my favorite things to do - just wish I had a sexy man there with me . I just love thunderstorms and the smell of the rain... mmmm... nothing like it!!!

Saturday, September 6

Mr Ed is now on TV Land... how excited am I? More excited than that. I love that show! Its on for an hour each night at 6pm so I'm taping them. It take so little to please me... really it does. *snicker* I spent most of the day in my recliner reading my Organizational Behavior book. I'm now done through chapter 10. We'll cover chapters 9 and 10 Tuesday then have an in depth review of chapters 1 - 10 for the mid term Thursday night. Yikes. I'm nervous about that! I've got to go through the book and make study notes on what he told us would be on the test, I'm half way through chapter 2 doing that. I had to quit though, my brain was turning into mush. I'll finish tomorrow - as well as do my accounting homework and some exercises from the book on the balance sheet that I shouldn't have messed up on (yes, still beating myself up over it!). tee hee Anyhoo... My Mom has started her canning. She's made peach jam and bottled peaches and bottled a few tomatoes. She's been so busy today, and I feel bad that I can't help her. Mostly because I had to study, but also because of my health. I told her I'd help her for an hour or so, but she wouldn't hear of it and booted me out of the kitchen. She did let me make dinner tonight though. I was going to order pizza, but then we remembered that I had bought some pizza crusts at Sam's Club last week, so I made pizza. It was pretty good - the crust came with the sauce (not too spicy) and we had pepperoni in the freezer. Put toppings on, put in oven for 10 minutes and voila... pizza! I've found that my stomach can handle pizza once in a while. I made a couple of pieces without pepperoni though, I didn't want to try eating the spicy pepperoni just yet. I learned my lesson after the nachos last week. Tummy is not ready for spicy foods yet. Like you wanted to know that... I'm rambling aren't I?! See... brain is mush. I'm off to do some visiting now since I didn't get to visit many this morning because of Blogger being down.
OK, so is up with Blogger today?! GRRR! Took me forever to log in, and blogspot pages aren't loading all the time. Had a great time yesterday with the girls. We didn't get out of control like we have in the past, we just vistited and had some laughs. We only stayed about 1.5 hrs so I got home early. I had an early evening and just relaxed and puttered. I started watching Kangaroo Jack but fell asleep... was very tired! I'll have to finish it sometime this weekend. I also have Old School I want to watch. I'm off now to visit some blogs and then get back to

Friday, September 5

Musing for the day. Why men named Richard like to be called Dick. Why not Rick or Rich? Dick? It always struck me as funny and I have a really hard time calling a man Dick. Hi Dick, how are you today? Have you seen Dick? I saw Dick today. I haven't seen Dick in years! Dick is over there. He looks just like Dick, don't you think? Is Dick there? Do you hear what happened to Dick? Dick is a big guy! Dick didn't come. Dick is coming. Dick really screwed me over. (my personal favorite) I could go on and on... I just snicker everytime I hear the name. And well of course the word too.
Just got back from my accounting class. We got our tests back, and I did fine! Whew! I missed two multiple choice questions, and the balance sheet that I sweated over he only docked me 5 pts on (so I got 15/20 on that section). Ended up with 87/100 which he graded as an A! YES! So far I've gotten 100% on my homework assignments so I'm maintaining the A. Cool. I do want to stay on top of things though, and do some extra worksheets and examples to really hammer this stuff in my head. The balance sheet stuff I should not have messed up on. There are so many examples in the book that we don't go over in class and I do learn better doing "hands on" type things instead of just reading. One other source of stress this week has been me getting turned down for the cash advance to pay for my tuition from the company. Corporate policy says we can have cash advances, but each sector, group, and division can make their own policies. Well, the group I'm in has a policy of no cash advances. Period. I was absolutely livid when I found out. My boss and division manager went to the group manager and he wouldn't make an acception. Makes me feel like my company doesn't give a shit about the "pee ons" who are hardship cases. I am very appreciative that they are paying for my tuition - eventually - its just hard to come up with $1100 up front. We have to submit our grades (has to be above a C or they won't pay for it) with our expense report then will be reimbursed. This was not stated or at least clearly in the tuition assitance policy, because we all found out after the fact that this is how it worked. We still can't find where it says it exactly. My boss put the tuition on his credit card to begin with, and he said he can wait until the end of Oct (when I get my grades and reimbursed when I submit the expense report) for me to pay him back. Timster is just the best. Anyway, we have a challenge for next term which is coming up in just over a month that I'll need an additional $1100 (this includes tuition and books). Tim and I talked, and decided the best thing to do would be to take out a loan against my profit sharing. They'll take payments out of my check, and its at a 5% interest rate, which is lower than any credit card. Anyway, I'll get he money, put it in an account and withdraw it when I need it, then when I get reimbursed put it back in. I really hate taking out a loan, but we don't see any other way around it, and now that I've started back to school, I do not want to stop. I need to do this, and can't let anything stand in my way. Hopefully next year the company can continue to pay for it, especially since they'll benefit from it as much as I will. I'm going to make an announcement... I'll be moving my site soon. The wonderful, generous, marvelous, sweet (and any other wonderful word I can think of!) Christine will be hosting my blog and moving it all to MT! I'm so excited!!! I will let everyone know the new URL when its all set up and ready to go!
I'm feeling kinda today for some reason... I DO have a lot to do but should be able to do it all in the time I have. Maybe all the stress from this week is finally catching up with me, who knows... anyhoo... I need to get my cleaning done, dash off to class, work for a few hours then meet up with the girls. I really am looking forward to that. I have a TON of studying to do for Org Behavior this weekend, and that is a source of stress too, but I know I need to calm down and relax, and just study or else I won't absorb anything. We had an informal review last night on the first 10 chapters, and then Tuesday night we'll have a more indepth review... then next Thursday is our mid-term. I also have to do a paper on my own, as well as help with a group presentation. This class is definitely more involved than I thought it would be, but its very interesting. Anyhoo... I best get my moving. Have a great day!

Thursday, September 4

I took my accounting test today. There was one part I really got frustrated with. I *thought* I had it down pat, but obviously not! We had to create a balance sheet, with a list of assets and liabilities to get the info from - but the kicker is that not all the assets and liabilities are listed on the balance sheet. The things I *thought* were to be put on the balance sheet didn't balance. I spent well over 30 minutes on that portion. Finally I ran out of time and had to turn in what I had. He said that he'd give us credit for the bits we had right, so I won't be out the full 20 points it was worth. Whew. I think I did well on the rest of it though. We'll get our tests back tomorrow so I'll see how I did.
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Thanks for all your comments and all your well wishes on my Zonk board! Really wish YACCS will be up soon! It was up for a little while the other night, then down again. My foot is feeling mucho better, am walking instead of hobbling. Shoulders and my right thumb aren't liking me but are better than they were last night. Mr. Rheumatoid Arthritis is sure loving me lately. Sheesh... I went home early yesterday, got in my recliner, propped my feet up, and studied for my accounting test. Pretty soon, my cat came over and had to jump up on my lap... she's such a snuggle bunny and knows when I'm not feeling well. She purred and purred while I studied (had to have one hand on her and rubbed her head and petted her). Its funny how that always calms me down and makes me feel less anxious about things, and the love just radiates from Ashley. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's my baby! After I studied my accounting, I decided to start reading a chapter for my Org Beh class tonight. I didn't get too far though, maybe only one of the two chapters we'll cover tonight... oh well... more reading to do this weekend ;-). Tonight we're going to cover two chapters, watch a video and then start the review for the mid term that is next Thursday. UGH. I'm not sure I'm ready for this one... I'm really glad its Thursday, this week has breezed on by. I am going to work for a few hours tomorrow afternoon, to make up for yesterday. I also have my accounting class that ends at 12:30, then its the Girls' get together at 3:30 (right after everyone gets off work) and its a long drive home, so I figure I'll just stay in the area and work. I'm so excited to see everyone and get caught up on things. Its been way too long. Have a great day!!!

Wednesday, September 3

Happy Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!! Here are a few precriptions I'd like to take... ... yummy... great way to start my day... gets me going. *snicker* (click your mouse on the screen to bring up the text and change pages) I forgot to mention yesterday that there are some customer funded tasks that I will be working on as well as the database and financial stuff. We have customers that we need to support, and one of our customers is another organization on base that we're doing a series of workshops for. Plus any support that Tim and Greg need for the customers their supporting. Anyhoo... not much happening yet... the RA in my left foot flared during the night, woke up feeling like someone hit me with a sledge hammer. Pain pills are helping, I can't walk very well but can hobble. I've decided to take half the day off today, will go home after my accounting class. I want a little extra time to study for the test tomorrow, as well as do some reading for tomorrow's Org Beh class. Also, if my foot is feeling better I'd like to stop off at the grocery store on my way home and get a couple of things I'm almost out of. TTFN!!

Tuesday, September 2

Tim just got out of the meeting. There are two main tasks I can do - the database/customer service and contract management (my finacials, and reporting). Our support to the helpdesk has been cut - totally. Tim and Greg answered a lot of requests so that really cuts into that for them, but for me, it means no more tracking of the requests and beating everyone else over the head to make sure they answer the requests. I'm not too upset over that part of it, it was always a HUGE pain in my ass tee hee. So, that's part of the problem resolved, now we have to figure out what to do with the rest of our time. Tim is on the phone now with our Div Mgr Mike but I'm sure it will take more than that to get things settled.
Its been a pretty blah day here at work. I've been working on tasks that could be considered "overhead" tasks and not my usual duties since Tim's meeting this morning was postponed to this afternoon. He's finally there now, didn't go in until 2:15 or so... its now 2:40. So he should be out soon and we'll know more of what our situation is. I've pretty much ran out of things to do now... and still 1.5 hrs left. I'd go home but I have my Org Behavior class at 4:30. So... I'll stick around. My buddy Larry M just stopped by to say "good-bye". Its his last day, as he's retiring. I'm gonna miss him, he's a great guy. The girl's (aka the Motely Crew) are finally going to have a get-together this Friday! Its been AGES since we've gone out together... so I'm looking forward to it. We're going to meet Friday after work at a local restaurant. Hopefully we'll laugh and carry on so much we'll get dirty looks from people - NOW that is how we guage the fun. LOL!!
Snagged this quizzie from Rilana Sweet Dreams
"Sweet Dreams" (by Eurythmics) Sweet dreams are made of this...Who am I to disagree? ...Travel the world and the seven seas... everybody's looking for something ...Some of them want to use you ...some of them want to get used by you ... Some of them want to abuse you ... Some of them want to be abused
Which 80's Song Fits You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh man! The Tuesday after a Monday holiday always leaves me feeling like this! Anyone else???
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Well, today at work will be interesting. Our funding for the day-to-day tasks has been lost (I've mentioned this before) and we don't have another sponsor, after several attempts. So... we're essentially out of funding - as of last week actually. The incremental funding we have now has been spent. The gov't is supposed to give us more funding to last until November, but its not looking that way. My boss Tim has set up a meeting with the gov't this morning to see what specific tasks we can work on with the remainder of our funds. 80% of what I do rely on these funds. So... it looks like I'll be changing jobs a lot sooner than we thought. Not quite sure what the other job will be yet, Tim has to meet with our division manager Mike today to get it all sorted. We're pushing for the job in our main office helping the financial guy Bart out. I will go into work this morning (2 hrs later than normal) and work on "overhead" tasks, then this afternoon, hopefully be able to work on my regular tasks for the gov't org. If things work out the way I'm thinking, I'll be working half time at the gov't org, and half time at the main office. Then when funds run out, full time at the main office. There is another contract on base that they were considering me for, but its in configuration management (which I have no experience) and I would require a security clearance to even step into the building. Which is no big deal to get one, but it takes time and we really don't have time. I've also heard that is a bad place to work - a bunch of back-stabbing gossips. So, I'm definitely pulling to work in our main office AND it will help me advance in the career path I want, and with me taking accounting classes, it would work out really well. So, fingers crossed! I had a good day yesterday, I was going stir crazy so Mom and I went to Rainbow Gardens shopped and ate lunch. It was nice to get out. We went to another store where I got me a couple of bargain DVDs (Evelyn and Lemmon Drop Kid) and a video Super Troopers. I came home, finished studying and then had an ealry night watching the movies. Have a great day!

Monday, September 1

Happy Labor Day!!! My attitude about Jeff today is...or should I say the attitude I'm TRYING to have today is... Have a great day everyone!

Sunday, August 31

Yeah... OK... spoke too soon about YACCS being back up! GAH! At least the Zonkboard is working... I really got thrown for a loop today. The guy Jeff, that I was involved with for 2.5 years that I broke up with this past May, contacted me on Yahoo. He wanted to see how I was doing, and to tell me he was really sorry for treating me like shit. Whoa. We chatted for a bit, and got caught up on things. He was really worried when I told him about all my health probs lately, and was excited that I've gone back to school, etc. He told me that he's ready to settle down. I asked him to clarify that, and he said "ready to find love again." I didn't ask him to elaborate, and I have no clue whether this statement includes me at all. For all I know, he was just writing to apologize and to see how I was. I made the decision to break it off completely and not have any more communication, it was a tough decision but I knew I had to do it for my heart's sake and to truly move on. So I'm really blown away. To be honest, I miss him like crazy. He asked if we could talk again, (he had his kids and needed to go get them lunch) maybe tonight... if we were online at the same time. I told him that would be nice if we connected, if not we could talk another time. Am I nuts to let him back in my life? Or maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit and he really doesn't want to be "back" in my life, but just chat buddies or not at all?! Shit! I thought I was really calm about this, but now that I'm writing it down, I'm starting to freak out. I really thought he could be the one, that's why I hung in there for so long before. Long distance relationships are so hard, and if it weren't for the distance, and for the fact that we didn't think things could work out because of the distance... we might be together now. Shit! I know in my heart that he was a soulmate, and when I fianlly met him in May, it was like I'd known him my whole life. Never was more comfy with anyone else. Shit! It was so great! What am I gonna do?! I know... just see what happens...
This pic is of my Mom and a very special tomato from her garden. I asked her to pose with it, and was giggling. It was a very weird looking tomato, but it was just exactly WHAT it looked like that I was giggling about, and her holding up close to her face like that made me giggle even more. Mom asked me what I was giggling about, so I told her what I thought the tomato looked like - the male anatomy. Mom called me by my full name, and told me I was rude and my mind was in the gutter! Then she giggled too.

OK... here it goes... here is the the pic of me and my new do. WARNING! This picture also shows the ill effects of PREDNISONE, a medication that I have to take for my Rheumatoid Arthritis and Ulcerative Colitis... not a pretty picture. It makes faces puffy and causes swelling. I KNOW I look awful. But it will go away when I'm off the medication (they're slowly taking me off of it). CHIPMUNK!!
This is a picture of my niece Elyssa. She'll be 2 next Sunday, isn't she a cutie?
These are pics of my cat Ashley... on catnip! The picture with her wrapped in the rug, she does this on catnip or not... she actually thinks she's hidden under the rug if just her face is under it. She really thinks I can't find her. LOL!

Saturday, August 30

HEY! Comments are back!!! YAY for YACCS!!! Finally! Mom, Dad and I had a great day today. I took them to lunch to the diner where my sis Susie works and makes the BEST food. Mmm... I had my usual, the bacon and cheese omelet and hash browns with cheese. I have half of it left over for breakfast tomorrow. We decided to go to Sam's club where I needed a few things, I was going to wait until next Friday when I got paid, but decided I'd do it now since I had the time and Mom needed to go there too. I spent $100 on 17 items. Man... it adds up fast but I also got a lot for my money. I splurged and got me a bag of Runts. I love those things. Then we hit Wal-Mart. I found my niece Elyssa a really cute outfit for her 2nd birthday (that is next weekend). Its a Winnie the Pooh purple shirt and knit pants. Of course its Winnie the Pooh coming from me. I also found her a Winnie the Pooh ball. She loves balls. *snicker* she must take after her auntie. It was just nice to get away, and spend time with both of my parents. They enjoyed the afternoon as well, and told me how much they appreciated all I do for them and how nice it was to get away with me today. They really needed the break from the whole situation here. When we got home, Kathy was pacing the floor. Wondering where we were all that time. She said that she was really tired and needed to take a nap but couldn't because Elyssa was awake. Like that's Mom and Dad's problem?! We just looked at her, set our groceries down on the counter, and went outside for another load. Then Mom came back in after the second load and told her that there were many times when she needed a nap when we were growing up, but didn't get one. Life's tough. GO MOM! LOL!! Kathy just "humphed" and walked into her room. Grow up Kathy. I'm off to study now! I hope everyone is having a great weekend!
I just finished chatting with Robert on Yahoo. He was really glad that I sent him that e-mail and was honest with him. He said that he really doesn't know what he wants right now, he's been thinking about his ex wife and he still loves her, but then again he wonders if there is someone else out there for him. He's just really confused. I can understand that... so I told him that we could be friends if he wanted to. He said he's a little leary of being friends with women on the net because his experience has been one-sided friendships. They have problems, unload on him, then don't let him unload his problems on them. I told him I didn't work that way. I believe any relationship there needs to be give and take, two way streets. We talked for a while, about what he's gone through, etc., and he was so grateful that I listened and cared about his feelings. I think I blew him away. I really do like helping people, it takes my mind of my own problems and makes me feel good.
I got a very quick, short e-mail from that Robert guy in Idaho in my e-mail this morning. He said that he's sorry he's been really busy and would be spending the weekend with his two kids, which is great. I'm happy for him. But ya know, I really don't feel like he's making much of an effort to get to know me, so I put it to him like this: " I understand what its like to be busy. I work full time, going to school full time, have health issues, and deal with every day life, yet I still make an effort to try to get to know you. I was wondering if you really do want to get to know me, since it seems like you're not making much of an effort. I don't want to waste your time." ( I almost wrote that I didn't want to waste my time either but decided against it) Then I told him I'd leave it up to him, and wished him a good weekend with his kids. I figure if he's really interested then he will make an effort, if not... I am probably expecting too much from people. I know everyone has different personalities, different traits, different priorities, but with guys that I potentially will have relationships with, I want them to put as much of an effort in as I do. Is that too much to ask? I've had too many experiences where I bust my ass to be there for them, and they don't do the same. It leaves me feeling empty and drained. So, I've come to the conclusion that if they aren't putting any effort in then I'm not going waste my time and energy. Does that make me a bitch? Sometimes I feel like one when draw the line like that, but I've learned some hard lessons and am tired of being let down and hurt. All was quiet on the Western Front last night. Mom said that Kathy is being nice, and I said "Yes, too nice... because she knows she's in deep and is kissing up." Mom said "I know." the we giggled. Ellis isn't here, he's where ever he stays when he's not here and God knows where that is. He only comes here when he's out of money and needs food. I'm really not going to worry about things too much though, I can't. Its not good for my health to get stressed out over it and I've got a lot of studying to do. So I'll just stay down here in my basement and do my own thang. I was toying with the idea of taking Mom and Dad to lunch or even a movie today, after the day they had yesterday they deserve a treat.

Friday, August 29

I did it - I got my hair cut! About 6 inches off the length so it hits the very tippy top of my shoulders, but curly is about half way up my neck. My Mom and Dad really loved it, and I like it too, just will take some getting used to it being this short. I will wear it curly mostly, which will save on the curling and blow drying damage and get it healthy again. With my body going through so much, its taken its toll on my hair. I've been losing a lot of hair lately too, but Melany said there's a lot of new growth so that's a good sign. I think this is all linked to being anemic. I am on meds that can cause hair loss (methotrexate), but I take mega doses of folic acid to combat that part of it. Anyhoo... new haircut! YAY! Melany is my Ex SIL. She's done my hair since she and J Dee first got married back in 1979. She has been involved with the whole Kathy situation all along. She's been a support to Kathy, and that's great. Melany also sees what Kathy has been doing, and she has been very supportive to everyone else too. Anyway, Melany told me that she got a phone call from Kathy this morning, Kathy whinging about what's going on around here. actually told Melany that the meeting last night was all about her and how we're all ganging up on her, and that she wasn't "invited" to the meeting so she couldn't defend herself. I busted out laughing! How utterly ridiculous! I told Melany the "meeting" was about HOW TO HELP MY PARENTS. It just happened that Kathy and Ellis were discussed because they are a huge part of the problem. Besides, Kathy should have been home. She had an epidural shot yesterday at the hospital for her back, and should have come home right after, which would have been around lunch time yesterday. Kathy didn't get home until 2am this morning. Yes, 2am. She left her child with my parents for 16 frickin hours while she was out messing around. She kept calling and saying "I'm on my way home". choke, cough, choke. Which is the norm. But not any more. My parents have FINALLY reached their limit. Then she had the NERVE to tell Mom this morning that she was in sooooo much pain that she couldn't take care of Elyssa. She couldn't feed her, get her dressed, nothing. Mom had to do it. Mom was furious. That is when she let into Kathy like you wouldn't believe. I wasn't there to witness it, darn it, but Mom told me about it. Then Dad got his turn. HAHAHAHA. One of the things Mom told Kathy is that Ellis is no longer welcome in this house until he gets a job and contributes both monitarily and helping around the house. I think Dad is going to be the one to break the news to Ellis, unless Kathy has already told him. Melany just loved hearing the whole TRUE story. She told me all that Kathy had told her and it was one big pile of bullshit. Its amazing how she either views things, or will say anything to make sure that Melany is on her side. When I got home, Kathy asked how Melany was... I said "fine." Then Kathy said, "Oh, I guess I did know that since I talked to her earlier on the phone." (to test me and see if we had talked about her) I just said, "Oh really? That's nice you talked to her." tee hee Like I knew nothing. Then she just went on and on about my hair and told me how much she sympathizes with me being in pain. Then she had to tell me how awful her epidurall was, yadda, yadda, yadda, like I care... She was soooo trying to kiss my ass... and ya know what, she can literally kiss my ass. I'm not falling for it. Does she really think I'm that stupid?!
What an afternoon I had yesterday with my right wrist. Holy shit. Details on Health Log. Org Behavior class was pretty good last night. We went over leadership and types of motivations in the workplace. We were done by 6pm, going over the stuff pretty fast because everyone was anxious to get started on their long weekends. We skimmed over most of the two chapters but its OK because I had planned on reading it all thoroughly this weekend anyway. My group (for our group presentation at the end of the term) got together and chose the topic of "Leaders, are they born or made", and we're arguing that they're made. We're going to start gathering info now which is good - I like people who don't put things off to the last minute. When I got home last night, Kathy and Ellis were gone (YAY). Susie, J Dee and Bob were here (my other 2 siblings) talking to Mom and Dad. It wasn't that I was not invited to this meeting, but they forgot I had school and it was pretty spur of the moment. Anyway, I got there just as things were getting settled. Mom and Dad are in financial trouble because of all the shit Kathy and Ellis have put them through the past couple of years. They're a huge drain on all aspects of my parent's lives. So, they all met to see what they could to do help them out financially AND to discuss the whole K & E situation. They filled me in on everything when I got home. Mom and Dad were pretty embarrassed that they all came over, but Bob pointed out that we're all in this together, we're family. There's nothing that my parents wouldn't do for any of us, and now its our turn to really help them out. I'm so relieved that they all came over and talked things out. Especially about K&E. I've felt so alone in the battle against them taking advantage of Mom and Dad all this time. I've talked to them about it but they've never talked to Mom and Dad. Finally they have told Mom and Dad that they feel the exact same way as I have all this time - it has got to stop. K needs to get rid of E is the #1 thing. He's dead wood, he lies, cheats, steals, and has convinced K to do the same. They've sold prescription drugs, and God knows what else. K has this thing where she calls the doctor in pain because of her knee and/or back, gets pain pills, then says they make her ill and so he calls her in something else. Then they sell them. She is in pain, no doubt about that but she's using the pain for pills and for manipulation. She is a player. She's always been able to manipulate my Dad and he's finally starting to see it. Especially after the little chat last night. She plays Mom and Dad against each other, and she always had, she's just gotten more crafty about it... but the jig is up. Bwwahhahahaha. She needs to grow up. She's 40. I will say that I know a lot of what she's doing now is E's influence. She's scared of him. He's beaten her down emotionally (she's unstable anyway) into thinking that she can't do any better and that she needs him. She has said she wants to get rid of him, but she hasn't gone through with it. He's threatened to take Elyssa back to Ohio, but he doesn't have the balls and would have to go through everyone in this family to get that little girl out of this house. He doesn't realize that we are very nice people until you mess with one of us, then we rally around each other and protect our own. He's the biggest dumbshit and the laziest ass. We know one of the reasons (besides being a lazy ass) why he's not getting a decent job. He's probably got people looking for him. He's got two other kids in Ohio somewhere and who knows who else is after him. So... we need to help these people find Ellis. Does anyone know how to find out if someone is looking for him? Either for financial reasons or for an outstanding warrant perhaps (one can dream that he does have one, and most likely does)?? J Dee and I will be looking on the internet to see what we can find, but any tips would be much appreciated. We need to get rid of Ellis Ringwood Jr. That's all there is to it. They also discussed having Kathy giving guardianship of Elyssa to Mom and Dad. If anything ever happened to Kathy, Ellis would get her and we fear for her welfare. Elyssa has some physical problems (she's almost 2 and isn't walking yet, and just learned how to crawl about 3 months ago). She does therapy a lot, and is making a lot of progress. They have done so many tests but can't find out any cause. She's soooo smart though. She gets really frustrated trying to talk too, and can't. They're teaching her some sign language and that's helping a little. She says a couple of basic words, Mama, etc., so we know she has the ability... she's just slow. Elyssa also needs to be around kids. She hasn't really been exposed to other kids, other than J Dee and Patti's grandkids at family gatherings. She doesn't know what its like to "share" toys, etc., K&E are supposedly going to put her in a play group but E is afraid that the other kids will pick on her. They probably will, but that's life. We think that she'll progress even further if she sees other kids running around and walking. It will be good for her, but E is being an ass about it and K is being lazy and won't just go put her in the play group. It looks like once again Mom and Dad will have to step in and take her. I think last night was really a new starting point. Dad finally understands that he's been taken advantage of and manipulated. I'm sure it hurts him to no end that its done by his daughter, but now he can put a stop to it. He said he was going to give E an ulitmatum to have a job, etc., in 90 days or he's outta here. We all told Dad 90 days was too long, it should be a week. So we'll see what happens. I hope Dad stays tough on this. He tends to get fired up about things, lays down the law, and then mellows out and lets things slide. They can't slide anymore in this case. He's got to stay tough. I'm going to get my ass busy now, pain pill is working so I should be able to get my cleaning done. No errands to run today - they'll have to wait until next week, pay day! I am getting my hair cut though, I'm excited... something new! Have a great day - and more importantly a great Labor Day weekend! This doggy is ready for the BBQ!
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Thursday, August 28

I had a pretty good night, didn't get any extra sleep but it felt so nice to relax and just lay still and not have to move about much. My joints thanked me. I'm soooo glad its Thursday! YAY!!! 4-day weekend is almost here! Its going to be a long day though. I've got my Thurs night class tonight... hopefully he'll let us go an hour early tonight like he did on Tues. I won't hold my breath though. Nothing else exciting going on, I've got some busy work to do. My uncle sent me some fun pics, this is one of them. I'll post the others on another day.
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