Sunday, March 16
Question of the Week by Sara Make us Laugh Don't you think that we could all use a good laugh these days? I don't mean cheesy old jokes, blonde jokes are okay if they aren't retold over and over again, make sure they are fresh ones! I'm talking about side splitting, rolling on the floor laughing, spit water on your computer screen jokes. Tell at least 2 on your blog. If you don't have a blog, please leave your two jokes in the comments! They should be kinda clean, no graphic or dirty ones, please! ANSWERING MACHINE AT MENTAL HOSPITAL:"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly........ If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.If you are a maniac-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, mother's maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up." ******************** A good pun is its own reword. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. In democracy your vote counts. In feuda! lism your count votes. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. The short fort uneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat. The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.