I'm Moving On... Jeff and I have been talking online and on the phone for over 18 months. We got along so well, made each other laugh, lots in common, both naughty, etc. He always said he really wanted to meet me, but timing was bad, he was too busy, didn't know what he wanted, etc., I stuck with him because I felt deep down in my soul that there was a reason we met online and I was crazy about him. Believe me, I asked myself if I was nuts several times...but despite all the ups and downs, he's a good man and has a good heart. So, last night I asked him flat out when we were going to meet and that I'd waited a really long time. He told me that he really didn't want to be involved with anyone and that I lived so far away. We continued to talk for another hour or so, he changed the subject of course. It didn't hit me right off what he'd said, but it started to sink in after we finished talking. So today, I wrote him an e-mail and asked if we could talk on the phone tonight. Within 30 minutes, he popped on Yahoo and asked what was wrong and why I needed to talk. I told him I didn't want to talk about it online, but he pressed me and wanted to know what was wrong. So, we talked on Yahoo. I asked him if he really meant what he said - that he didn't want to meet me and continue our relationship. He told me that he didn't want to get involved with anyone, not "just me". I told him that I needed to know where I stand because I really liked him and needed to either meet him or move on. He asked if I was saying good-bye and I told him I hoped we could be friends. As for being more, I couldn't do it since he wasn't willing to even give us a chance. He told me he got involved with a "gorgeous" woman after his divorce and when they broke up it crushed him and he didn't want to go through that again. (I liked the way he through the "gorgeous" woman in there) I told him I would never hurt him intentionally (which he KNOWS), but I keep getting hurt and disappointed and can't take it any more. I want someone in my life and am tired of being alone. Its taken so much to get to this point in my life when I actually want someone to love and I'm ready. So... we both said we'd stay friends, I really don't want to lose our friendship and he didn't either. I feel fragile, shaky, and gittery, but I know I made the right decision. I feel at peace with it. I don't hate him, I'm not angry at him... he just isn't in the same place I am. I wish him all the happiness he deserves. I know Jeff came into my life for a reason and if that reason wasn't to be the love of my life, then it was to show me that I can really care about a man and want to have love in my life. I want a man that I can love passionately and with my heart and soul. Is that too much to ask?? So - onward I go. I'm staying strong. Funny that I heard REO Speedwagon's song "Time for me to Fly" on the way home from work today! LOL!! I'm so glad this 4-day weekend is here! Ahhh! I went to Blockbuster and rented 7 videos. I'll do write reviews as I watch them, I have seen two of them, "Kate & Leopold" and "I am Sam", those were both excellent movies. Tomorrow is Three for Thursday, so check back here or at Colin's site for the questions.