What is it about men - or really this one in particular that drives me bonkers. Jeff. The shit that likes to jerk me around. We remained "online friends" and have chatted very briefly every few days the past month or so. I don't contact him - he contacts me. I'm tired of always having to be the one who makes all the effort. Last Sunday he asked me to turn on my web cam, which is fine, I don't mind that... but this is something he hadn't asked me to do since we stopped "our relationship" AND he didn't ask me to turn in on about a month before that. Or if he did, he'd look at my cam for about 10 seconds then turn it off again. Fine. Whatever. He even offered to mail me a CD he burned that he thought I'd like. WTF? Very nice of him to offer, but he didn't ever offer before. I don't know if he'll send it or not, but the offer was nice. He didn't make an effort to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving or to see what my plans were - and neither did I ask him or leave him a message like I used to do. This morning, out of the blue he comes on line, says "Hi, I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving." Then he sends me a picture of himself and said "I just got online for a minute to send you this picture of me that I took last night after I got home." OK... why all of the sudden is he sending me pictures of himself when before it was like pulling teeth to even get him to smile and take one?? The man is driving me nuts. What is he trying to do to me?! When I saw his picture, I sat here and cried. I can't believe I sat here and cried. I don't know why that had to happen when I thought I was doing so well at trying to get past it all. I wanted him more than I ever wanted anyone and I'm trying so hard to move on. Shit. I was going to ask him why he sent me his picture but he had his kids there with him and had to go. I don't get it - just don't get it at all. Is this all because I'm not bending over backwards to be there for him like I was before? Not making all the effort that he needs to feel wanted and maybe thinks that if he does a little something for me, that I'll tell him how much I want him?! Does he need to feel needed that badly that he's willing to twist the knife in my already bleeding heart to get it? Well, it ain't gonna happen. My friend Sandi has told me her gut feeling was that Jeff doesn't want to let me go, and she doesn't think its over. I don't know what to think any more. I really can't bring myself to think of the possibility that the "relationship" isn't over, it hurts too bad. I told myself from the beginning that if this was meant to be, it would work out. I gave it my all - gave him my all, at least what I could give 1500 miles away! LOL!! Shit. I need to quit thinking about "what could be happening" until I find out what is happening. He could have just wanted to send me a picture and I'm making too much out of this!! My Worry Worts are showing. LOL!! OK... change of subject! Today despite feeling like shit, I forced myself to get my cleaning done. Mom wanted to go shopping, but she wasn't done with her cleaning, so I pitched in to help her, finished, got cleaned up then to lunch to get fueled up for the big crowds. The crowds weren't as bad as I imagined, which was short of a nightmare. But from the looks of the stores, the nightmare had already come and gone. We covered a lot of stores and even braved the mall - which was sooo crowded. We were very fortunate to find a parking place!! I got the things I needed to start with - mostly things that need to be mailed. Everything else will have to wait for the next pay day.