Wasn't gonna write about this... but I think I need to. Something has happened that has really hurt and disappointed me. I've been talking to a guy (Jeff, aka the J man) online (long distance) for almost 2 years now (seriously for about 1.5 years). We had a great relationship, hit it off really well, but this past few months has been on again, off again. He was so close to wanting to meet me, we started making plans even, then he backed out. Said he wasn't ready yet... didn't know what he wanted, yadda yadda yadda. Since then, he's really acted funny. I've asked several times what is wrong, came right out and asked if he was seeing anyone. He replied "what brought that about?" Didn't ever really answer my question. Well, last night he finally came clean. He told me that he and his ex-girlfriend might be getting back together. Shot my hopes and dreams to hell in one statement. He actally got back with her briefly at the first of the summer, but it didn't work out, now they're giving it another go. When he refers to her (prior to last night) it was "his psycho ex girl friend" Hmmm... yes, sounds like true love to me. Anyway... I guess our relationship just wasn't meant to progress any further than it did. I knew in my head that it was silly for an online, long distance relationship, but my gut instincts/6th sense kept telling me to hang on, give him the benefit of the doubt, be patient, things will work out. Well, I know there's a reason for everything, so perhaps the reason I sensed to hang in there was to learn some things... which I most certainly have. I've learned I can love/care about a man, want a man in my life, to be patient and more understanding. There's many more personal lessons, but I won't go into them. So, even though my heart is really hurting, I don't regret my relationship or experiences. He made me feel things that no man ever has before. I can't explain it... I really can't. I sure as hell know it doesn't make sense since we never met face to face. It was almost like we knew each other from another life or something... I may be fairly quiet these next few days, while I'm licking my wounds and trying to sort out where I really need to go from here. I know I have to move on, and I will... I'm so thankful to all my wonderful friends who've supported me today and last night. Especially Linda, Sandi, Colin, Robin and Connie. They're so great... they listen to me, support me, then make me laugh. I need to laugh - its is the best medicine... even though I may have a few tears with the laughter, that's OK. Laughter has gotten me through some shitty times. I think I'm going to do some major theraputic cleaning this weekend, doesn't that sound like fun?? I don't know what it is about cleaning things out, but it always helps me sort things in my head. I'm not making any promises though, I may just go rent some movies and be a slug! Well, I'm off to my nephew Travis' birthday party... time to put on a happy face. UGH.