Well, what a shitty day yesterday was. I got dumped by Jeff – who I’d been talking to on the internet (and phone) for close to 16 months. He lives in Indiana and I live in Utah (yeah – slim chance in ever meeting). Two weeks ago, he told me he was ready to meet me and that we’d make plans to when after I got back from England. He’d been acting funny and been upset all week, and I finally found out why. An ex-girlfriend came back into the picture and she wanted to get back together – and despite all the negative things he said about their relationship, he was still considering it. So, he said good-bye to me. I am quite hurt, but not a whole lot I can do. I really care for him and looked forward to hearing from him every day. So, where do I go from here? I move on. I do wish Jeff the best and hope he’s very happy; he deserves that (and so do I!!). After crying and talking to all my wonderful and supporting friends (Emma, Colin, Linda, Sandi, Cindy, Robin, and Nancy) I feel pretty much at peace with this whole thing. I knew from the beginning that this might not work out, but was willing to take the chance. I learned many things from this relationship but the top things was that I could care about someone and that I did want someone in my life. I’ve spent the majority of my life feeling that I didn’t want anyone to love or to love me. I had a 5-year relationship (that I ended about 5 years ago) with a man that I didn’t love and was more of a friendship than love affair. He never met my family and I never met his. It wasn’t the ‘typical’ relationship at all. I did most of the work – he never gave me flowers, cards, or took me ‘out’ – we always stayed in. I guess I stuck with him that long because I did need someone on occasion and didn’t think I deserved better. Then one day a light went on. I decided I did want more than he was giving AND he deserved more than I was giving him. He kept hounding me for the past 4 years – calling every so often asking if I was ready to come back. Ummm… NO. So anyway, I’ve spent the last few years of my life growing and getting over things from my childhood. I’m certainly not the same person I was a year ago, let alone 5 years ago. I’m strong, and tough, and know I can get through anything. (Mostly with the help of friends and family). I haven’t told anyone in my family yet. Mom is in Vegas with her sisters and I don’t really feel like telling Dad because he was never very supportive of this relationship with Jeff and he’s too busy supporting my sister Kathy. I sure don’t want to tell Kathy anything personal – I’ve been burned too many times. I will call my other sister Susie – she’s one that I can really talk to about it and know it will go no further. I know that may seem catty – but I need support right now, not “I told you so’s” and ridicule. One of my favorite quotes: “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I heard it on the movie “Steel Magnolias” but don’t know who wrote it… I bet Colin knows though, I think he told me once! Its true – whoever said it.