Thanks to Fluffy Muppet for this link! Wowie! You are Redensek! You are techy yet cute, and pretty much all around cool. Everyone loves you! You're fun, popular, and can mold yourself to fit right in to any situation. Hmmmmm....LOL!!! Interesting...

2 weeks ago, I spaced taking my new weekly RA meds on Tuesday night. I hate it when I forget important things like that... I was messing around with my MSN and discovered the Calendar! I now have it set up to remind me to take the meds on Tuesday night... should work... unless for some reason I forget to check my e-mail on Tuesday night... hmmmm... not much chance of that happening. You wouldn't know I sit in front of the computer at work for 10 - 11 hours a day, what the hell am I doing on it now? Hmmm... Me thinks I'm a blog junkie. ;-) Anyway... these meds make me a bit gittery, so I'm cheating and taking a Xanax to go along with it so I can sleep. I tried it last week and it worked like a charm. Zzzzz... nighty night!

Someone told me about this 911 website. It took about 10 minutes to download and about another 10 minutes to watch it. Its a great tribute and quite a tear jerker.

Today was really crazy... had so much to do my head is still spinning. I'm still really confused about what to do about Jeff. Not sure: a) if it will work out; b) if I want this to work out; c) if I should just move on; or d) if Jeff wants it to work out. Quite the dilema... but it will get sorted out in time. Had lunch with my good friends Robin and Linda today. They got me laughing... not even sure how we got on the subject of how cute and little Linda's dog's pee-pee is. We went down-hill from there... onto men's... ummm... things.

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and virtual hugs!! :-) I really appreciate it!

Today started with quite the dream as I was waking up... I was married to Billy Idol (the rock star) and was saying good-bye since he was going on tour... the man kissed amazingly well... after he left, I was getting into my car when I noticed some guy following me and he started spraying something all over me that was supposed to make me pass out so he could kidnap and kill me. Hmmm... interesting... I was able to drag my much depressed butt out of bed and made it into work. About 8am, I decided to sign into Yahoo Messenger - just had a feeling to - and Jeff had left me a message about 45 minutes earlier asking me "you around?" It was quite a shock to hear from him after him saying 'good-bye' last Thursday. Not quite sure what to make of it. I replied (he was off-line by then) by telling him I was surprised to hear from him and hoped everything was OK. Well, so I've heard from him. He said he was sorry and wanted to know if I was OK... and he still things we're friends. He said he's got a lot of shit on his mind and didn't want to deal with his when I've got my own shit to deal with. Not sure what I think of that, but I still want to talk to him - as friends if nothing else. I really missed him and he admited he missed me too. Sigh.

Having a reasonably good day today... trying to keep my chin up after Jeff saying good-bye. Weekends was when we talked the most, and I'm nearly done with this weekend. Whew. Thanks to the words of encouragement and inquiries from my friends - couldn't get through this tough time without you all. I talked to my Mom, and told her what happened with Jeff and she's really disappointed for me and gave me some words of encouragement... can always count on Mom. She thinks he a "turd", which made me laugh through my tears (she usually doesn't call anyone names and it caught me off guard). Growing up, if she ever called us a "shit" we knew we were in BIG trouble - much, much more than just calling us by our full names. I got up early, despite the loss of an hour to go back to DLS time and played around on the PC a bit, then worked out, ate lunch and headed outside for an hour or so to soak up some sunshine. Ahhhh... always makes me feel better. Its not quite 60 degrees, but I don't care - it was toasty warm on the deck and I needed the shot of sunshine. My next thing on the agenda is to take a shower because I stink (after my workout and sweating some outside), then I'll either watch a movie or read my book. Just veg the rest of the day. :-)

Having a reasonably good day today... trying to keep my chin up after Jeff saying good-bye. Weekends was when we talked the most, and I'm nearly done with this weekend. Whew. Thanks to the words of encouragement and inquiries from my friends - couldn't get through this tough time without you all. I talked to my Mom, and told her what happened with Jeff and she's really disappointed for me and gave me some words of encouragement... can always count on Mom. She thinks he a "turd", which made me laugh through my tears (she usually doesn't call anyone names and it caught me off guard). Growing up, if she ever called us a "shit" we knew we were in BIG trouble - much, much more than just calling us by our full names. I got up early, despite the loss of an hour to go back to DLS time and played around on the PC a bit, then worked out, ate lunch and headed outside for an hour or so to soak up some sunshine. Ahhhh... always makes me feel better. Its not quite 60 degrees, but I don't care - it was toasty warm on the deck and I needed the shot of sunshine. My next thing on the agenda is to take a shower because I stink (after my workout and sweating some outside), then I'll either watch a movie or read my book. Just veg the rest of the day. :-)

Having a reasonably good day today... trying to keep my chin up after Jeff saying good-bye. Weekends was when we talked the most, and I'm nearly done with this weekend. Whew. Thanks to the words of encouragement and inquiries from my friends - couldn't get through this tough time without you all. I talked to my Mom, and told her what happened with Jeff and she's really disappointed for me and gave me some words of encouragement... can always count on Mom. She thinks he a "turd", which made me laugh through my tears (she usually doesn't call anyone names and it caught me off guard). Growing up, if she ever called us a "shit" we knew we were in BIG trouble - much, much more than just calling us by our full names. I got up early, despite the loss of an hour to go back to DLS time and played around on the PC a bit, then worked out, ate lunch and headed outside for an hour or so to soak up some sunshine. Ahhhh... always makes me feel better. Its not quite 60 degrees, but I don't care - it was toasty warm on the deck and I needed the shot of sunshine. My next thing on the agenda is to take a shower because I stink (after my workout and sweating some outside), then I'll either watch a movie or read my book. Just veg the rest of the day. :-)

take free enneagram test Take the enneagram test? (thanks to Fluffy Muppet for the link :-) )

Reason to be cheerful: Great friends. This may be a repeat, but I can't say it enough. :-)

I finally found the protein bars online that I've been searching for. One place I found them have been out of stock for what seems like an eternity. I refuse to buy these bars in the store because they're too expensive and can save around $1 per bar if I get them online. So, I found then on the Vitamin Shoppe site at a very reasonable price, so I ordered 2 boxes. I don't like chocolate (unless its white chocolate) and it seems like just about every protein bar out there is covered in chocolate. Yuck. I found a lemon crunchie flavor by Designer Whey that is quite tasty. I wish they'd make a peanut butter flavor without the chocolate! Did I mention I don't like chocolate, but LOVE peanut butter??!! There was a time when I absolutley LOVED chocolate as well - Reeses' Peanut Butter cups were my weakness - always had a stash of them in my closet. But, about 2 years ago, I decided chocolate was way too much of a temptation and too high in fat (couldn't stop eating the stuff!!) so I quit cold turkey. It took about 6 months, to totally lose the craving - now the smell doesn't even appeal to me. I don't even like Tootsie Rolls! How un-American is that?! Coming to the decision to cut out a lot of fat was pretty much forced on me. I had my gal bladder removed about 2.5 years ago and since then, my body just can't handle a lot of fat (makes me ill). For a while, I couldn't tolerate any more than 15 - 20 grams a day. I can do about 35 - 40 now, with being able to have one really naughty meal (never deep-fat fried though - that's overload big time) a week. I usually go for my fav cheese enchiladas or something just as yummy. I never realized just how bad my eating habbits were until I had to give all the fatty junk up! I was able to lose 100 lbs (yes - I was quite large!!!!) and still have some to go, but working on it. It was a good life-change and probably saved my life. It wasn't all "over eating" that made me gain so much weight to begin with though, it was due to medications and thyroid problems as well. Its a nightmare being trapped in such a large body.

I am an INFJ! I took this personality test years ago at work, and that's what I was then. Fluffy Muppet and I were talking today and she found a 4-question quick test to take. I'm still and INFJ. We're rare (according to the book) but we're wonderful! What are you??? Take the test. Fluffy Muppet brought up a good question. Are most of the people who blog and use the internet frequenty introverts?? I think it could very well be true - as Fluffy said, "the extroverts are out having fun!". :-)

And the Friday Five for today: 1. What are the first things that you do in the morning to start your day? SHOWER if I'm going to work, or eat breakfast in my jammies if I'm not. 2. What are the last things that you do at night before going to bed? Read and/or watch TV and spoil my cat, Ashley. 3. What daily routine have you recently added to your day? Trying to get out of such a rigid routine and being such a creature of habit. 4. What routine do you wish you get rid of? Going to work - would like to be independently wealthy and have fun pet projects instead. 5. What's the one thing that makes you feel like something is missing if you don't do it some point within your day? Being able to spend time with my cat and having her sleep by me.

Well, what a shitty day yesterday was. I got dumped by Jeff – who I’d been talking to on the internet (and phone) for close to 16 months. He lives in Indiana and I live in Utah (yeah – slim chance in ever meeting). Two weeks ago, he told me he was ready to meet me and that we’d make plans to when after I got back from England. He’d been acting funny and been upset all week, and I finally found out why. An ex-girlfriend came back into the picture and she wanted to get back together – and despite all the negative things he said about their relationship, he was still considering it. So, he said good-bye to me. I am quite hurt, but not a whole lot I can do. I really care for him and looked forward to hearing from him every day. So, where do I go from here? I move on. I do wish Jeff the best and hope he’s very happy; he deserves that (and so do I!!). After crying and talking to all my wonderful and supporting friends (Emma, Colin, Linda, Sandi, Cindy, Robin, and Nancy) I feel pretty much at peace with this whole thing. I knew from the beginning that this might not work out, but was willing to take the chance. I learned many things from this relationship but the top things was that I could care about someone and that I did want someone in my life. I’ve spent the majority of my life feeling that I didn’t want anyone to love or to love me. I had a 5-year relationship (that I ended about 5 years ago) with a man that I didn’t love and was more of a friendship than love affair. He never met my family and I never met his. It wasn’t the ‘typical’ relationship at all. I did most of the work – he never gave me flowers, cards, or took me ‘out’ – we always stayed in. I guess I stuck with him that long because I did need someone on occasion and didn’t think I deserved better. Then one day a light went on. I decided I did want more than he was giving AND he deserved more than I was giving him. He kept hounding me for the past 4 years – calling every so often asking if I was ready to come back. Ummm… NO. So anyway, I’ve spent the last few years of my life growing and getting over things from my childhood. I’m certainly not the same person I was a year ago, let alone 5 years ago. I’m strong, and tough, and know I can get through anything. (Mostly with the help of friends and family). I haven’t told anyone in my family yet. Mom is in Vegas with her sisters and I don’t really feel like telling Dad because he was never very supportive of this relationship with Jeff and he’s too busy supporting my sister Kathy. I sure don’t want to tell Kathy anything personal – I’ve been burned too many times. I will call my other sister Susie – she’s one that I can really talk to about it and know it will go no further. I know that may seem catty – but I need support right now, not “I told you so’s” and ridicule. One of my favorite quotes: “That which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I heard it on the movie “Steel Magnolias” but don’t know who wrote it… I bet Colin knows though, I think he told me once! Its true – whoever said it.

I had a devil of a time putting a guest book and poll on my blog this morning. I'll have to remember not to change my template during the high traffic part of the day. Just not worth the hassle. Seems like even posting this time of day is a pain in my rump! ;-) Its been a relatively relaxing day so far today... keeping busy doing little things, but nothing major. Need a quiet day. I decided to wear one of my Spring/Summer dresses today since it so soooo lovely outside. Quite hot in here, since we have to have several consecutive days of temps above 70 before they'll turn on the air conditioning. Even if they'd turn on a vent, it would help immensly, but they don't. So, we sit in here in the stuffy, sweltering air. That's the gov't for ya. They could conserve energy by turning heat down in the winter (always poors the heat on) but noooo... they have to make us miserable in the other seasons. UGH. Gimme coolness over HOT any day.

What is it about people who you think are your friends that hurt you, never apologize, quit talking to you, a few months pass by, then all of the sudden start sending e-mail (not to “one” specific person, just a forward) without so much as a how-do-you-do? It’s amazing how much one person can hurt another. Maybe they don’t realize they’ve hurt someone or maybe they just don’t care?? How is it that a person (let’s call her A) can hurt two people (in the same situation, lets call them B&C) and apologizes to A and not to B? That shows me that that the A didn’t give diddly squat about the C’s friendship. How can A be so oblivious to hurting another like that? If A cares enough to apologize to B and not C? As you probably guessed, this happened to me around Christmas time last year. (I’m C) It really hurt me deeply because I thought A was one of my closest friends, who I thought the world of – and who had a heart of gold. Broke my heart to lose her and I’ve been at a loss for months not knowing why she’d hurt me that way and just drop me like a hot potato. I’m far from perfect, but if I knew I hurt someone I’d do anything I could to apologize and try and make it right. I’d rather eat shit (so to speak!) than hurt anyone intentionally. I’m probably being a little stubborn and should contact her and find out what is going on, but I feel she owes me an apology. Am I wrong?? Maybe she thinks I don’t care about her because I haven’t contacted her?? Am I a bitch because I don’t want to be hurt any more and don’t feel its my place to make the first move?? Quite the quandary. Should be pretty simple – but when the friendship and the heart is involved, its never simple. Maybe the friendship just wasn’t meant to last?? I’m very fortunate to have many great friends and I thank God for them every day. I wouldn’t be where I am today without such wonderful, caring and supportive friends. I strive to be a true friend to them as well.

Song of the day: “Don’t Want to Face the Day” by Great White. It actually played on the radio as I was driving to work! Aha! Perfect song for the day. Had a really hard time getting the gumption up to get out of my bed this morning. Guess I’m in a bit of a slump again today… have been since Sunday. I think it must just be from being so tired and borderline exhausted. Its been hard work keeping all the positive energy up, but I know its making a difference. I do feel better just for being here at work. Its going to get better… it will get better… ;-)

Reason to be cheerful: To come home after a long, exhausting day, opening a letter from the company I work for, having the letter state that as an appreciation for my hard work and support to the gov't organization I'm contracted to, my manager has approved a $1000 bonus that will be included in my paycheck this week. I was so happy when I read it, I cried!!!! That's probably a first - which I will blog about shortly on the Something New blog. I know I surely won't see the full $1000 after Uncle Sam gets his cut, but just the fact that all I do is appreciated that much. $1000 bonus for my job is almost unheard of in my company (good benefits though!). My heart is full! :-D

I received this in an e-mail this morning and thought I'd share it. Author is unknown?? JUST FOR TODAY... ... smile at a stranger ... listen to someone's heart … drop a coin where a child can find it ... learn something new, then teach it to someone ... tell someone you're thinking of them ... hug a loved one ... don't hold a grudge ... don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry" ... look a child in the eye and tell them how great they are ... don't kill that spider in your house, he's just lost so show him the way out ... look beyond the face of a person into their heart ... make a promise, and keep it ... call someone, for no other reason than to just say "Hi" ... show kindness to an animal ... stand up for what you believe in ... smell the rain, feel the breeze, listen to the wind ... use all your senses to their fullest … cherish all your TODAYS